*FUNY JOKES COLLECTIONS*

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*FUNY JOKES COLLECTIONS*

Post by Marz on Sat Nov 21, 2009 4:21 am

Here is it...
para mas masaya ang bawat araw ng pagtatagpo natin dito sa forum,
para narin dun sa mga maraming problema at mga nakikibasa lang,^_^
try naman natin mag share ng ibat-ibang nakakatawang bagay.

Just share all jokes that you know' funny quotes, funny poems, funny sayings, funny story etc.etc.. mapa'luma, kahit kurne pwede....just use appropriate language(English,Tagalog)

ako na unang hihirit(dedicated pra sa mga problemadong tao)...^_^

to mga napulot ko san'san

minsan sa buhay ikay nadadapa..
gumugulong..
napuputikan..
naapakan ng iba..
pero natututto ka din bumangon at humarap sa lahat
at magsabi ng ganito:
lassheeng lang ako mga frieeeends..! sssensya nahh buarrk..


I chose you as my friend
because you are thoughtful,
sweet, loving, caring, understanding,
charming, demanding, daring, kambing,
balimbing, bonjing, matsing, duling at may kuliling! hehehe.


If only I had the power to turn back time...
if only i could read your mind...
Wala lang! Astig di ba?
Tapos, marunong pa raw akong lumipad! Yeah!


Ang mga boys, hindi dapat pinaglalaruan,
hindi rin niloloko.
Kasi, ang mga yan, sobrang magmahal,
sobrang masaktan. Iiyak-iyak lang sa sulok,
pero kapag yan, gumanti! Loko! Nambubuntis yan!


ito sa phone galing:
joy is GOD's gift....Lets joy reign in your mind

joy in your heart & joy in your action

after all...napakamura pa ng JOY...

Isang patak lng ang lungkot na sangkatutak.


When I was lost you were there,
When I was down you were there.
When I was heartbroken you were there.
When I got really sick you were there.
ABA, hindi kaya ikaw ang malas sa buhay ko?
=)) =)) yan lng muna^^

Suggestions, Comments highly appreciated..basta dont break the rules..
NO SPAM........

Share nyo na rin sa inyo.. post it here....^_^


Last edited by Marz on Mon Nov 30, 2009 2:27 am; edited 3 times in total
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Re: *FUNY JOKES COLLECTIONS*

Post by xP►[bianx'♥] on Sat Nov 21, 2009 5:53 pm

sure .. nice suggestion po ..

=))
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Re: *FUNY JOKES COLLECTIONS*

Post by Marz on Sat Nov 21, 2009 9:31 pm

^
^
, ^_^

mukang ala pang nagpo'post ah.....

ito ulit hirit ko.


nay bakit mo ako pinalo sabi mo mahal mo ako
anak kaya kita pinalo dahil mahal kita
kung hindi kita pinalo ibigsabihin hindi kita mahal
Nay.! wag nyo nlang po akung mahalin..!!
kc sakit ng pamalo nyung dos por dos eh..... !!


May mga kaibigan na akala mo totoo,
yun pala, sila pa ang loloko sa 'yo!
Buti na lang, meron akong kaibigan na tulad mo!
Na kahit mukhang loko-loko, astig naman at totoo! lmao


Kung yung dalawang taong mahal mo lalayo, kanino ka sasama?
Sa bestfriend mo na laging andyan para sa 'yo?
O sa minamahal mo na nagmamahal din sa 'yo?
Hirap di ba?
Ako, wala akong sasamahan!
Kasi, hahanapin ako sa bahay eh lmao


I wrote your name in the sky but the wind blew it away,
I wrote your name in the sand but the water washed it away,
I wrote your name every where!
Langya hinuli ako ng pulis! lmao


I had a dream about you. Nasa heaven daw tayo with two angels.
Your angel is cute but mine is not, so tampo ako.
I asked why cute ang angel mo. They said: "Balance of nature".nyak lmao

ops. naparami...

Kayo Naman ang mag post..........^_^


Last edited by Marz on Sat Nov 21, 2009 10:50 pm; edited 3 times in total
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Re: *FUNY JOKES COLLECTIONS*

Post by HAZEL on Sat Nov 21, 2009 9:51 pm

.
nice suggestion.
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Re: *FUNY JOKES COLLECTIONS*

Post by Marz on Sat Nov 21, 2009 10:16 pm

^
^
^_^
kayo naman ang mag post.......
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Re: *FUNY JOKES COLLECTIONS*

Post by XED on Sat Nov 21, 2009 11:18 pm

^ wula ako maisip ee.
hanap muna ako.


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Re: *FUNY JOKES COLLECTIONS*

Post by Marz on Mon Nov 23, 2009 2:54 am

para sa mga nakikibasa lng..
ito ulit pang kiliti,.. medjo korne na ang iba..^_^


1.
Intsik: Bili kayo panty. Kapag sinuot ito, hindi kayo mabubuntis.

Babae: Bigyan mo ako ng tatlo.
3 months later,
galit si babae: Bakit ako nabuntis?

Intsik: Baka hinubad mo! nyak.!


2.
GF: love you ka, niloloko mo ako!

BF: Bakit, wala naman akong ginagawa ah!

GF: Anong wala? Nakita kita kanina, may kasama kang ibang babae, magkahawak pa kamay nyo! Niloloko mo ako!

BF: Makinig ka muna... hindi kita niloloko, maniwala ka... Yung kasama ko kanina ang niloloko ko!
Lolz


3.
Ifugao: Apply po ako ng sundalo, sir.

Officer: Hindi ka pwede, ang dami mong sirang ngipin, bungi ka pa!

Ifugao: Bakit sir, sa gyera ba ngayon, kagatan na ang labanan? ngeek..


4.
Nanay: Hala, sige, layas! Huwag ka nang bumalik dito sa bahay! Simula ngayon, huwag mo na akong tawaging nanay at hindi na rin kita tatawaging anak, naintindihan mo?

Anak: Sige dude, alis na ako. Yo'


5.
HONEYMOON:
Wife: Hon wag mo ako bibiglain ha? I'm still a virgin
Husband: You mean ako ang una?
Wife: Yes, do it na
Husband: I did it na, kanina pa!!
Wife: ah ganon ba? Aray pala... Wink

hala tawa...
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Re: *FUNY JOKES COLLECTIONS*

Post by CHii ExDee on Mon Nov 23, 2009 5:10 pm


Anak: Mom i know the truth
Mom: ha?? eto P500 huwag ka lang maingay sa Dad mo!!

Anak: Dad i know the truth
Dad: ha?? eto ang P1000 huwag ka lang maingay sa Mom mo

Anak: (ok pa ito... subukan ko nga sa katulong) Inday i know the truth!!!
Inday: SA WAKAS!!! YAKAPIN MO AKO ANAK!!!

====

Kunwari ang pangalan mo ay "IKAW", tapos ang pangalan ko ay "AKO"
Ang tanong.. Sino ang panget sa ating dalawa???

Isipin mong mabuti.. Pasagot...

====
Modern Bahat Kubo

Bahay ko po
dami putik
ang pumasok doon
ay sari sari
nilamas na karton
sirang mudyas at damit.
silya, basurang pamanghe
ONDoy parusa
=====

kung ibebenta ko ang sarili ko..
tataasan ko na ang presyo...
matawag mo lang akong MAHAL...

=====

Sa sabunga walang entrance fee ang may dalang panabong..
Si juan para makalibre pumasok may dalang sisiw..

Bantay: hoy!! ano yan?
Juan(galit pa) manok!! bakit?
Bantay: alam ko.. eh bakit sisiw??
Juan: heller?? may laban ang ama niya siyempre moral support.. pogi!!!

=====

Boy: gusto mo libre kita ng siomai at hopia??
Girl:ha? bakit?
Boy: wala lang.. i just want to siomai love for you and hopia love me too!!!

======

Math love story...

Boy: do you know that my love for you is like the limit of a constant over a variable as the variable approaches zero??
Girl; ano yun?
Boy:infinity
Girl: ganun? eh alam mo bang ang lab ko sau ay parang limit of a function of x as x approaches ' a', f d function of x s equal to 'c' f x s gretar than
a en s equal to d nd f x s less than or equal to a?
Boy: ano namn yun ?
Girl: syntax error!!!

=====

Nanay: nak lutuin mo na yung sardinas..
AnaK: kakaliskisan ko po ba?
Nanay: tanggalin mo na rin ang hasang ng masulit ang katangahan mo hayup ka!!!

=====

Inday: sir, sino ang mas masarap.. ako o si mam?
Sir: siyempre ikaw..
Inday: naguguluhan ako, kasi sabi ng driver natin mas masarap daw si mam kaysa sa akin...

======
Stranded
May lalaki na stranded sa isla. Isang araw, may nakita siyang barko na palapit sa isla. Mayat-maya, may umahon na seksing babaing naka suot ng Scuba/Wet Suit. Lapit agad ang lalaki kaya nagtanong ang bebot.
Babae: Ilang taon na ba na walang kang sigarilyo dito sa isla?
Lalaki: "Mahigit na 10 taon." Binuksan ng babae ang kaliwang pocket ng Suit, kinuha ang 1 kahang yosi at binigay ito sa lalaki. Ang bilis magsindi at ang sabi: "Naku ang sarap talaga!" Biro mo, mahigit na 10 taon na rin ako na walang sigarilyo!"
Babae: Ilang taon na di ka uminom ng alak?"
Lalaki: Mga 10 taon na rin. Ilang saglit lang, binuksan ng Babae ang kanang bulsa ng Suit. Inalis ang isang mamahaling alak at inabot sa lalaki. Ang bilis uminom ng lalaki at halos maubos ang laman ng botelya.
Lalaki: " Ang sarap, lalung-lalo na pag di ka nakatikim ng isang bagay ng matagal!" Lumipas ang ilang minuto, nakita niyang binukbuksan ng babae ang mahabang zipper sa harapan ng wet suit at sabay na pabulong sa teynga ng lalaki, "Ilang taon na ba di ka nagkaroon ng kaligayahan?"
Lalaki: "Naku po, huwag mong sabihin na may dalang Golf Club ka doon sa wet suit!"


ayan.sensya na maikli lang ^_^
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Re: *FUNY JOKES COLLECTIONS*

Post by Marz on Mon Nov 23, 2009 8:16 pm

^
^
, ngayun ko lng nabasa yan.. nice one .. thanks for sharing chii..
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Re: *FUNY JOKES COLLECTIONS*

Post by Marz on Wed Nov 25, 2009 10:50 pm

ADD


1.
A lizard fell on a table.

Genius: Oh! reptila scincidae;

Kikay: Eew, lizard!;

Astig: Shit, butiki!;

Mataray: Shucks, butiks!;

Mayaman: Yuck! Lacoste!;

Mahirap: Pare, ulam!


2.
Boy: Kukunin ko ang mga bituin at ibibigay ko sa iyo!

Girl: Shut up! Hindi mo nga makuha yang kulangot mo, bituin pa!

Boy: Ay sorry, hindi ko alam na ito pala ang gusto mo!XD


3.
Lady: Father, ang gwapo at cute mo naman! Bakit ka pa kasi nagpari?

Priest: Dahil ayaw pumayag ng magulang ko na magmadre ako! Bruha!


4.
Pedro: Alam mo, yung pusa namin, kahit nakalagay sa lamesa at walang takip ang ulam namin, hindi kinakain!

Juan: Maniwala ako?!

Pedro: Totoo!

Juan: Ano ba ang ulam nyo?

Pedro: Asin!


5.
GF: I'm warning you! darating na si daddy within 1 hour!
BF: Eh ano ngayon? eh wala naman tayong ginagawang masama ah!
GF: Kaya nga! kung may plano ka, DALIAN MO NA!! Wenk


6.
Nay? bakit po VICTORIA ang name ni ate?
Kasi anak dun namin siya ginawa ng itay mo...
Eh bakit si kuya, ANITO?
Ay, tumigil ka na nga Luneta at baka mapalo kita! tawagin mo na si kuya FX mo! Wenk


7.
Sabi Airforce: "No Guts No Glory!"
Sabi Marines: "No Retreat No Surrender!"
Sabi Army: "No Pain, No Gain!" naks! ayaw patalo
Security Guards: "No I.D. No Entry!" Wenk


8.
Misis: lolokohin ko mister ko, magpapanggap ako na prosti dito sa kanto namin (dumaan ang mister nya...)
Misis: Pogi! available ako ngayon, pwede ka ba?
Mister: Yoko sayo kamukha mo misis ko!Hurmph
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Re: *FUNY JOKES COLLECTIONS*

Post by jenny.08 on Sat Nov 28, 2009 7:20 pm

xD ang cool nman dito . laftriip e lmao
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Re: *FUNY JOKES COLLECTIONS*

Post by Marz on Sat Nov 28, 2009 8:05 pm

^yeah tambayan ng mga may sayad...XD lmao

ito dagdag kiliti

1.
upon examining youre style of texting, i saw youre brains 2 sides....left and right......i saw that on the left side theres nothing right............while on the right theres nothing left!!!! :: get it? lmao

2.
i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da window... I look down & den... i lauf again lmao

3.
Boy: Daddy?? how did i come into this world???
Dad: listen carefully. Mom and dad met each other in a cyber cafe. In the restroom of the cyber cafe, dad connected to mom. Mom at that time made some downloads from dad's memory stick. when dad finished uploading. we discovered we did not use firewall. Since it was too late to cancel or delete, nine months later we ended up with a virus!!! lmao

4.
once upon a time a guy made love to his girl
the girl got pregnant, he asked the girl...
"will you marry me?"
the girl said "NO"
and the guy lived happily ever after.. =))

yan lng..XD
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Re: *FUNY JOKES COLLECTIONS*

Post by CHii ExDee on Sat Nov 28, 2009 8:57 pm

pwede ba funny pictures rin?

heto na..

Pedro: soli ko tong nabili kong DVD
Juan: anong problema?
Pedro: walang picture saka sound. Sayang, suspense thriller pa yata ito
Juan: anong title?
Pedro: The Lens Cleaner
===============
Thelma: Sabi mo dok, safe ang calendar method. Eh, bakit ako nabuntis?
Dok: Paano nyo ba ginamit ang kalendaryo?
Thelma: Ginawa naming banig!
==============
Girl: Maganda ba ako?
Boy: Oo, kaya lang, Bumbayin ka
Girl: Hindi naman ako mukhang bumbay ah? Tisay yata ito!
Boy: Oo nga, pero yung amoy mo, Bumbayin!
=============

yan muna.post pa ko later XD
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Re: *FUNY JOKES COLLECTIONS*

Post by Marz on Sat Nov 28, 2009 9:14 pm

^hAha, nice one'..

funny pictures... hhm, okie basta wag lang so nud^^..
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Re: *FUNY JOKES COLLECTIONS*

Post by CHii ExDee on Tue Dec 01, 2009 8:38 am

ok ^_^


Spoiler:

Spoiler:

lewl.natatawa ako dito subra XD yan muna
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Re: *FUNY JOKES COLLECTIONS*

Post by MhingMhengXD on Tue Dec 01, 2009 6:19 pm

pics :]
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Re: *FUNY JOKES COLLECTIONS*

Post by StarApple. Ü on Tue Dec 01, 2009 8:56 pm

teacher ; anung dapat gawin kapag may lindol?
student ; dapat po buksan ang ilaw.
teacher ; bakit?
student ; kasi po samin, kapag gabi, tapos patay yung ilaw, lumilindol.
pero kapag po binuksan ko, natitigil po yung lindol.

^get it?

btw, people.
don't make this a chat thread. you're
making this thread off-topic.
just post if you have something to post.
giving comments aren't bad but please
post your replies according to the title. thanks.
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Re: *FUNY JOKES COLLECTIONS*

Post by Marz on Wed Dec 02, 2009 3:10 am

@chii=]]
nihaha,, kakatakot nman yang pic mow''.^_^
anyway, ntawa ako...XD

@ApoL..

gets ko joke mo...


@T

ito dagdag

THE TEACHER AND THE WORM

one day....a teacher wanted to show to his class how bad alcohol is to our body...

when he got to his class.... he showed two glasses
one with alcohol and one with water...

TEACHER: class... look on how the worms will react when i put them into seperate glasses (WHILE PUTTING THE WORMS)

the class became quiet...
they were shocked that the worm died after it was exposed to alcohol while the other one is swimmimg at the water freely...

the teacher smiled and he taught that he have done a good job...HE ASKED THE KIDS ON WHAT LESSON IS LEARNED...

TEACHER: what is the lesson that you have learned, Nico?
NICO: sIr,..from now on...i will drink alcohol
TEACHER: WHY???????
MICO: coz the worms in my tummy will die when i drink alcohol...isnt it???

whatta genius Nico...!!! =))





2.
a lady in a bar walks to the barman

and puts her finger into his mouth.

he lustly kisses and licks each finger.

the lady says

"tell your manager there's no toilet paper!" toink.. lmao
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Re: *FUNY JOKES COLLECTIONS*

Post by L'Jyen [♥] on Tue Dec 08, 2009 1:48 pm

ayeeeh!! madame nian sa cp co na nilipat
co sa notebook co.. hahanapin co nga ee para dito lmao

ito muna:


Lola: apo, lam mo naman na malapit na acong mawala
sa mundong ibabaw di'ba? kea ipapamana co na sa yo nang
maaga ang aking bahay at lupa, mga love you, aking farm
puno't halaman at iung parachute co..

Apo: salamat nang marami lola..
sa'n co po ian makukuha't makikita ?

Lola: sa FarmVille apo co.. username co GWAPA143@yahoo.com
at ang password co naman ay HUBAG143@yahoo.com

gets nio??
bisaya ian ee.. tinanslate co lang sa tagalolg lmao
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Re: *FUNY JOKES COLLECTIONS*

Post by Nyxz on Tue Dec 08, 2009 5:58 pm

bcuz of luv we learn 2 scrifice
bcuz of luv we learn 2 b satsfyd
bcuz of luv we learn 2 trust
pro mtindi bcuz of luv?

aun dming d na virgin...
"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
i was walkin wen i saw sm1..

so cute eye catcher..

head turner ..so telegenice!

so much lyk a celebrity!

pglapit ko. nauntog ako..shocks! mirror..
""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
if da sun was not been made...


Ako sna ang hottest thing ever created.

i hate u sun..
"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
pg may umgaw sa taong luv mo, dnt wori
dnt cry stand up at sumgaw ka ng

"ang akin ay akin!"

"at ang di sakin ay mppasakin!
""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
" d lahat ng lasenggero ay gustong tikman
ang lasa ng ahak..


ung iba jan..

gustong tikman ang lasa ng kainuman..
""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
hnawakan ng guy ang legs ng gf nya

GIRL: "oops! Pslam 129"



Boy: "sorrii!"

pg uwi hnanap nya sa bible ang psalm 129 at bnasa:

"GO HIGHER & FIND GLORY!

BOY: ayay!
""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

kpag iniwan k ng bf mo:

ano sbi ni mommy?

"never say die."

ano pa?

"2morow is anoder guy....
""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
I was planning to kill the most
byutiful, & charming girl on earth


Den i realized shud i kill myslf?

Wat a big sin to do ds thing!
"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

wat s similarity between panty & sky?

sky covers d whole population..

& Panty Covers d source of population!

.
""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
a lady n a bar walks 2 d barman * puts her
finger in2 barman's mouth.

Barman: lustly kises & lick each finger.

Lady says: Tel ur manager der's no toilet paper!


lmao
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Re: *FUNY JOKES COLLECTIONS*

Post by Marz on Wed Dec 09, 2009 2:40 am

@Julien...
galing.. .sirious yung intro,sa farmville lng pla....nihahaXD

@Nxyz

wuhaha,, natawa ako sa 6,8 and 9.... nice one...


1.
A man is talking to God.

The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."


2.
The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.



3.
Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.

Doctor: Next please!


4.
tru luv can be measure n a SPARK,
un bang pg ngkiss,, may electricity?!
mahirap mahanap un
kaya try mong humalik
sa poste ng meralco
pag nakuryente ka..
true love un!


5.

if u're a nurse, h0w wud u tell a dying patient 'b0ut his/her c0nditi0n??

simple..
just sing this s0ng:


"makulay ang buhay!..Makulay ang buhay sa..
KABILANG BUHAY!"

yan lng. huhu...
laughtrip...yee.

share lng...
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Re: *FUNY JOKES COLLECTIONS*

Post by MhingMhengXD on Wed Dec 09, 2009 9:48 am

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Re: *FUNY JOKES COLLECTIONS*

Post by Marz on Thu Dec 10, 2009 5:47 am


This is an actual job application that a 17-year-old boy submitted at a McDonald’s restaurant in Florida, and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in the position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I’m worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

AVAILABLE TO WORK: Of course! That’s what I’m applying.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job, no; on my breaks, yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN 5 YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries
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Re: *FUNY JOKES COLLECTIONS*

Post by Nyxz on Thu Dec 10, 2009 5:59 am

lmao honestly,tumawa aq the whole part of the application lmao

..nice one Mr.Nice Guy ^^
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Re: *FUNY JOKES COLLECTIONS*

Post by Marz on Thu Dec 10, 2009 6:14 am

^_^ ako din sumakit lalamunan ko sa kakatawa....
lalo na sa DO YOU SMOKE at SIGN HERE....


weee. bolera ka huh...! lmao
sabi ng ndi ako mr. nice guy......
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Re: *FUNY JOKES COLLECTIONS*

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